The Power of Habits: A Poetic Exploration on Building Healthy Routines

This is a transcript from episode #34 of the Let the Verse Flow Podcast.

It's a struggle to build new habits, so I’m not gonna come at things like an expert would cause I know that habit forming isn’t just following a prescription or thinking you have all the answers. It’s not like a neat, white pill that you take, it has hard, curved edges that are hard to grasp.

I’ve been told to set the right goal.☑️

To start small, check, and to forgive missteps. ☑️

But what am I to do when the world turns upside down and I tumble and get snagged?

How do I make room when time is something I don’t have?

How do I stay consistent when the world won’t play along and sends me new challenges when I least expect them or feel utterly unprepared to handle them?

Before I get into this, just a word about my perspective and language use. In this episode, I talk about weight loss and eating and exercise habits from my personal vantage point, using my life as an example. I’m not going to sugarcoat it because that’s not me, so I’ll use terms like fat and obese to describe my physical body.

I'm not here to shame anyone, especially not myself. I’m comfortable with those terms. I believe in trying to love yourself (and your body) as much as you can in whatever shape or size it comes in. For me, that’s a work in progress, and that’s what I want to discuss. While I try to love my body at any weight, I know I feel better physically and emotionally when I am fit and leaner.

Here Comes Another Weight-Loss Saga (And Yet, Not)

After five decades of being overweight, and by overweight, I mean clinically obese, I lost more than 60 pounds in my mid-50s and felt like I was on top of the world as I kept that weight off for more than two years. I was going to the gym most days – and loving every moment. Turns out I had the gym rat blood in me. I was eating a whole foods diet and off the sugar rollercoaster, I thought for good, when my mom had her first stroke and all hell broke loose.

I managed to keep within 10 pounds of my new weight for the first year of my mother’s illness. I was too busy to eat, and keeping her on a salt-free, low-fat diet while she lived with me, improved her health and kept my weight in check. But almost as soon as she moved out of my apartment and into an Assisted Living apartment I began to gain the weight back. Now, I'm going to tell you how I'm managing to stay in the fight, and how you can too (no matter what that fight looks like for you). It all started with a song called I Don't See You Fighting (Sam Barsh).

As you know, I love a good beat, and when I heard this song about not fighting, something inside me that had been brewing under the surface for a while just clicked into place. I’d been struggling with my diet, and I was trying a bunch of things that don't work for me; I tried intermittent fasting; I tried going back to eating only whole foods. I was doing all the diet stuff we dieters do (even when we don’t believe in dieting), but honestly, I was half-assing it and trying to tell myself that I was in the fight. I wasn’t. I hadn’t added exercise back into the equation. At least not the kind of exercise that my body needs to lose weight and get fit. Some would call my daily 1 hour walking to and from work exercise (and it is) but my body needs more to lose weight and lean up. 

Where Was My Fight? I'd Lost My Weight Loss Motivation

Also, my body needs lots of exercise to drop weight. Thus my status as a gym rat those years ago. It’s not only the calorie-burning or muscle-building that exercise provides, it’s the mindset and the work that I put in. With every workout, I develop a growing sense of empowerment and strength and that feeling helps me say “no” to foods that aren’t good for me. That feeling of empowerment is what exercise helps me manifest. And I wasn’t doing that. I’d recently cleaned up my rowing machine and refilled the water tank; I’d cleaned up the weight rack and bench, but I was just looking at it. Until one day, when I was sourcing music for a podcast episode, and this song came on:

Let the Verse Flow Podcast - How a "Fight" Song Called Me Out - Episode 34

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You see, this song called me out. I wasn’t fighting, not at all. I was coasting and I was lying to myself about it. Telling myself that an hour’s walk and sloppy meals would help me lose the weight. I know that doesn’t work, and Sam’s song felt like it was calling me out. It felt personal. The deep bass, the dark voice, and the hard edge reminded me of the gym instantly. The benches, the iron, the pulleys, the rowing machines, the spin classes. All of it required a fight that I wasn’t displaying. I’d lost my fight, and let the bullshit narrative “I’m trying my best” pull the wool over my eyes. I wasn’t even close to trying my best. I was coasting, and it wasn’t until music, my truthteller, my sage, my rock and soul, woke me up. Music connects me to the “Jill” of my youth and the person I think I am. And I am a fighter.

Like many of you, from a young age, music has been my friend. A lonely only child, my mom was often at work and I fended for myself. I was a latch-key kid, a kid who had quite a bit of responsibility at a young age and came in and out of our apartment by myself after school. To keep me company, and I think to quell some of the anxiety I felt when being alone,  I listened to music.

Growing up, I listened to many genres of music, including favorites like The Jackson Five, Donna Summer, Styx, Stevie Wonder, and Prince. Later in college, it was Yaz, the English Beat, and George Michael. These were my people. They stuck by me during my angst-ridden teen years and they were the impetus for my love of dancing. As I’ve mentioned before (in episode #12 on social comparison), I went to most of the big-name dance clubs in NYC during the late 70s and 80s. I loved to dance, and still do. I put on music sometimes and dance in the house (an hour of heart-pumping dance to the latest pop, hip-hop, electronica, and dance music)! I find new songs on Friday or Saturday and add them to my playlists, using them to spark my motivation to exercise. But I had lost that cadence, rhythm, and practice when my caregiving tasks grew and I hadn’t returned fully. 

A Shift Was Coming: A Fighting Chance to Change Habits

The day before I heard the fighting song, something was beginning to shift and I was ready to acknowledge that I wasn’t giving my health goals a fighting chance; I wasn’t taking dedicated action. I had the goal, I had the belief (at least sort of), but I hadn’t taken any action toward it. By the way, I talked about these goal-setting behaviors in my last episode (#33 on Deep Listening). Anyway, I had the goal set, but my intention was shaky and my dedicated action was no where to be found. 

But then this song came on and I knew my sedentary days were coming to an end. I was back in the game. Yes, I’m on my way back. You see, this 59-year-old loves to dance and jive to hip-hop and loves to move and be present in her body. And I want my empowered self back. I know what that feels like and the only way back is through the music. Through the music that engenders the movement. From the movement that produces the sweat and muscle and from there comes the sense of empowerment. I want it back, so I’m getting back into the fight. But make no mistake, this promise to myself will have to be made over and over and over again, nearly daily, to get me back into exercise and healthy eating. It’s my old nemesis habits that I have to address.

It's Time to Talk About Habits (Whether We Want to or Not)

There are some immediate obstacles to getting back to the exercise/healthy eating routines. First, I’d replaced my gym time with time creating this podcast, so I had some hard choices to make. I used to go to the gym after work, but now I come home and work on the podcast. It looks like I’m going to have to wake up an hour earlier to get in the exercise. Early morning workouts (5 am workouts) aren’t my favorite, but I know that once I commit to it for a few weeks, the feeling of wellness that will follow will help me turn it into a practice. There will be about 3 weeks of hell to get through until I can reap some of the benefits and add it back into my life as a somewhat hardened habit. But habits are tricky. I thought I’d never stop exercising and healthy eating after I’d kept those 60 pounds off for several years, but the weight of stress and a lack of a structured workout routine made even those well-worn habits disappear. 

I get easily bored with talk of habits. I believe in the formulaic ideas of habit forming, say as outlined in James Clear's Atomic Habits, but one of the reasons I created this podcast was to bring you a creative spin on those narratives. Somehow it’s an easier pill to swallow when I write in verse. Here’s a poem that reveals the ways that I am trying to stop lying to myself when I know I’m bullshitting my way through and trying to sidestep the tough work of forming and maintaining new habits. This poem is called Stop Lying.

Stop Lying

By Jill Hodge

One side of my mouth is telling tales.

I profess that I’m trying my best, and as soon as those words tumble out, I know they aren’t true.

For I know this.

My best is full and heavy, like an acorn as it takes a fall from tree to ground in the early morning hours of a brisk, fall day.

My best is piercing red and juicy like the guts of a pomegranate that stains a crisp, white dress.

My best is a smoldering flame that’s newly stoked and full of kindling, popping in the dark, cold air, an act of rebellion.

I’ve been lying to myself about my best, using the word like an auctioneer uses an opening bid. A mere starting place, if I’m being honest.

This best I speak of needs to rise up and find respite in the cold north air where lies are forbidden, where no one dares

As one side of my mouth keeps lying, while the other shakes its head. “I’m too clever to believe you.”

And then it smiles. A knowing smile cause it’s heard these lies that cast a spell.

All eyes on the speaker to recast the tale, to tell the truth, and tell it well.

Habits: Four Stages (With an Example)

Back to reality for just a moment. So, we know from Clear’s book Atomic Habits that goal setting alone doesn’t produce consistent change. For that, we need to focus on systems and habits, those small actions we take consistently that help lead us to our goal.

If my goal is to get fit, I’ll need to break that down into habits that help me achieve it, such as working out with weights 4 times per week. Here’s a review of the stages of a habit – there are four – the cue, the craving, the response, and the reward. Let’s use my eating as an example. The most common cue for my overeating is sitting on the couch after work and watching TV. I’m in a sedentary, sort of bored state and so my mind inevitably goes to food (even if I’ve already eaten dinner or aren’t hungry). So that bored, sedentary, TV-watching state is my cue.

My craving is the need to put something in place of that boredom, but it can also be a desire to want to shut off overthinking or ruminating that has come to the surface while I’m in the relatively passive state of watching TV. The craving is a desire for a sense of calmness (especially mental calm) because even though I’m bored, my mind is going a million a minute. My response is to head to the kitchen and get some food (when I’m not hungry). The reward is that feeling of calmness, a sense of numbing my feelings and turning off my thoughts, which I associate with relaxation. This is classic because many bad habits are born of stress and boredom. This post-dinner, after-work stress fest is the perfect storm for some out-of-control eating. 

Replacing Old Habits with New Ones & Habit Stacking

Now the hard work begins as I work to replace that bad habit with another habit because even my bad habits have reasons and rationales behind why I do them. So, I’ll have to build another habit that satisfies my needs and offers similar benefits to overcoming this evening boredom and overthinking.

My new substitute habit will be to brush my teeth and wash my face (get ready for bed) and then move out of the living room and into the bedroom for some reading. I love to read, and it should quell the overthinking as I get engrossed in the book. To help me along, I’ll habit stack by adding this new bedtime routine to my established habit of brushing my teeth and washing my face. Instead of going to bed to sleep, I’ll start reading.

So that new habit (reading in bed) will be added to the established habit of readying myself for bed. That's habit stacking, and it works to help solidify new habits by attaching them to established ones. This also has the added benefit of cleaning my palate (via toothbrushing) and removing me from the old triggers (the couch, the TV watching, and the kitchen nearby). I’ll work on this goal for a while and try to establish it but plan for some failure (and not shame myself when I plop on the couch and blow this plan one exhausted evening). Failure is an inevitable part of creating new habits and so we have to get comfortable with failure, move past it, and start again. 

I probably won’t make any other changes to my eating routines right away. Instead, I’ll let my exercise help make those changes. I’ll be waking up at 5 am (putting my exercise clothes right near my bed so they are right there when I wake up). I know that if I can get some consistent workouts in, my diet will straighten up. You see, I don’t like to eat crap when I’m exercising. I don’t like the way it feels in my body, and I need proper fuel for my rowing (one of my favorite exercises). I’ll start leaning into a whole-food meal plan because that will fuel these workouts and I always, always feel best when I eat real food. Makes sense. It’s almost as though I’ve habit-stacked exercise with eating whole foods because when I’m exercising regularly, I find it so much easier to eat well. 

It may seem like these changes are coming out of the blue. I heard a fighting song and it struck me, but really these ideas have been brewing in my mind for at least a year. I’ve tried to get back on track with my exercise and eating, but couldn’t sustain it. I’d have a few good workouts for a week, but then go back to old habits and not be able to get back in the swing of things.  But just like these habit-changing plans were brewing in my mind, there’s also been a beat brewing in my body and soul. This beat, this music, can bring me back to myself and what’s important to me, it can push me to dance and be a catalyst for my empowerment. I just need to turn up the music so I can return to the bright side of the beat. Who’s with me?

Journal Prompts for Building New Habits

Here are some journal prompts to help you start thinking about a new habit you’d like to work toward. Remember to identify an old habit you want to replace and then work toward a new habit that gives you some of the same benefits as the old habit. Write in response to these prompts:

Oh habits, the good, the bad, and the ugly, they serve a purpose. Let’s remember to explore what benefits they give us, and find healthier, more aligned ways to receive those benefits. I’m hoping you’ll have success in replacing one bad habit with a better one, but don’t forget to plan for some failure, especially in the beginning. Forgive yourself for those slips, perhaps put on some music. Who knows, a fighting song could come on, and help return you to the bright side of the beat.🌞

Podcast Music: My thanks to all the musicians who make incredible music and have the courage to put it out into the world. All music for my podcast is sourced and licensed for use via Soundstripe.

Songs in this podcast episode: On Loop by Nu Alkemi$t; Slide by GEMM; I Don’t See You Fighting by Sam Barsh; Hey Marie by Tony Sopiano; Pyaar Kee Seemaen by Cast of Characters

Resources: James Clear: How to Break a Bad Habit and Replace It With a Good One

James Clear: How to Build New Habits by Taking Advantage of Old Ones (Habit Stacking)

James Clear: How To Start New Habits That Actually Stick (four stages of a habit)

Related Episodes: Compare Less/Grateful More (episode 12)

Deep Listening: Uncovering the Wisdom Within (episode 33)

LTVF Season Two Music Playlist: Check out the songs that inspire me, and connect with artists from many genres who add to our collective, human soundtrack.

Check out the resources on this website (and subscribe) to get podcast episodes, poems, articles, music playlists, and journal prompts delivered to your inbox.

Then, connect with me on Instagram. Let me know you hear me out there!

Journaling Resources

30-Day Journal Challenge (Writing Prompts to Get Started)

Here’s a fun & simple 30-day journal challenge for beginners (or those who need inspiration). Use the daily prompts to rediscover yourself.

Let the Verse FlowJill Hodge

Journaling 101: An Inspirational Guide to Start (or Revive) a Practice

Whether you write, doodle, draw, or keep memorable quotes, journaling uncovers YOU. Let your unconscious mind speak, download my free guide.

Let the Verse FlowJill Hodge

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