Mindfulness and Moderation: the Power of the Middle Way

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This is a transcript from episode #35 of the Let the Verse Flow Podcast.

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One of the benefits of youth is the way time seems to stand still. There’s more time (even though technically there isn’t), time to breathe in and out, to play, to laugh, to cry, time for birthday parties, sleepovers, and long slow mornings with nothing to do. And time to explore each room with presence and stillness. But it strangely disturbs the youth for it’s hollow, it doesn’t have enough fullness. But then you get older and time does decrease, while it speeds up, you travel beyond your comfort zone, to far-off lands that know no peace. You rush to meetings in the morning, squeeze in cocktails at night, trying so hard to free your soul, to let it take flight, and start all over again at the next day’s light. Oh, we race the clock, ahead of our time zone, living life along the rim. Balancing a million specs, dreaming away moments. And then we wonder, where are those long lonesome days of my youth? Where are my quiet corners? Longing for time alone in quiet stillness I seldom know. Time passes, and I get older still, as cracks and crevices push and sway, I land upon a Middle Way. This balanced path lets in the light so things are seen as clear and bright, and time stands still in strange new ways. It filters out the yin and yang and settles in the center, where angst is slowly tempered. And when I see the sunset, I take it in, drunk on sunshine and honey-dripped shadows. That drink I taste, my lips turn fruity and floral. When I write, I let flow the words, the page, the verse. In each moment I’m where I most want to be, with whom, and while doing what, at last, I feel so free. What is this Middle Way? It’s a way of being that doesn’t fret or surge or try to control each little thing, as magic and mastery are tempered by right viewing, and in each moment this one precious life is lived well and not entangled by pursuing.

Today I’ll discuss the Middle Way and how liberating it is to accept where you are right here, right now. How it puts time back on your side as you live your life instead of existing through it on autopilot. This concept, which I am exploring in my Buddhist teachings has secular relevance and meaning that can be deeply satisfying for anyone, but I find the concept of the middle way especially important for me at this stage in my life.

As a woman of a certain middle age who wants to live while I’m living, play while playing, laugh while laughing, and even cry while crying, the middle way is a powerful framework to view your life (and the happenings, emotions, thoughts and feelings that you journey through each day). Let’s take a journey on the path of the middle way.

The Middle Way Toward Comfort

To understand why and how the Middle Way can bring comfort and mindful ease to your life, let’s define it, first as the Buddha did and then as it exists in secular mindfulness. The Middle Way, is an important pillar concept in Buddhism, describing a path of moderation. Instead of running back and forth between the extremes of self-indulgence, busyness, wanting, or on the other side, toward extreme self-denial or self-discipline, the middle way offers a nuanced path that embraces the ease and equilibrium of being in the middle.

As a foodie, I often think of this in terms of food. When you go to a wedding or on a cruise, you have a smorgasbord of choices of foods to eat. You may think you have two choices: to dive in and eat with full abandon or to deprive yourself and shun the buffet table, but the third option is actually the most rewarding.

By eating in moderation, perhaps picking out some favorite foods and balancing them with healthy options, you can have your cake and eat it too, as they say. You won’t suffer the extended belly and pain of overeating or the panic and hunger of denying yourself.

You indulge but just a bit and will likely find that you enjoy yourself much more fully through this moderation. You won’t wake up in the middle of the night with stomach pains or regret decisions you made while either drunk on food and wine or hangry.

This ease will also extend to how present you can be during the event. If you aren’t diving in or restricting, you have more presence of mind to enjoy the music, look at the flowers, and talk to people. The Middle Way is a comfortable place from which to move around the event and take in the moment.

The Middle Way offers a peaceful, mindful way of being by releasing us from the hold of our cravings and attempts to cling to things we want. It is closely related to another Buddhist principle – that of impermanence. I will probably do an episode on impermanence soon because it, too, has a freeing effect on my view of things and is seeping into my poetry and life through my meditation and journaling practices.

The Middle Way allows us to be happy enough with what is going on in our lives right now. Things may be far from perfect, or they may be incredibly good, but because they don’t last (they are impermanent) clinging to them will only serve to make us miserable when they go away.

But, being mindful of the good times, like that wedding, for example, will ensure that we enjoy every second of those good times. And when we feel down or sad, we can remember that those feelings also go away and abate in time. Impermanence is a powerful concept.

If we are journeying along the Middle Way, and I want to talk about how to do that in a mindful way, we don’t get pulled into the intrigue of good or bad times, but we do experience them. Truly experience them, and in some ways that presence allows us to feel that we are steeped in the moment – and that time is on our side.

If I am enjoying an iced coffee while in my rocking chair on the balcony, and I am fully present, time is on my side. I don’t see it fleeting away and I’m experiencing a sort of equilibrium that feels good and calming.

Mindfulness can seem like a vague concept, but it is an action with real teeth. Mindfulness is when we are fully present and aware of each moment. We observe our thoughts, feelings and sensations without judgment or attachment. They arise and pass, and we let them without attaching any extra thought or analysis to them. If we are observing our thoughts without reactivity, we can avoid any extremes in thought or action. We are in the Middle Way and have a balanced approach to being in the present moment.

Thoughts may arise while we are trying to be mindful, especially if we are sitting for a meditation. We may think, “What agenda items do I want to talk about in today’s meeting?” and realize that we have strayed from our mindfulness of the breath or present moment. We observe it and let that thought pass. Oh, here comes another one, now I’m thinking about what I should make for dinner. I’ll let that go too.

This nonattachment to thoughts, and staying committed to being present is a balanced approach to mindfulness. And mindfulness helps us reach calmer, more balanced states of mind. The race of thoughts like judgment, anger, fear, and rumination, pass when you embrace the Middle Way through mindfulness.

So we can see the benefit of cultivating a balanced Middle Way through tweaks in our outlook toward moderation, and we can probably see the benefit of pursuing mindfulness to be present in each moment, especially when we want to enjoy joyful moments. But what about the unpleasant thoughts, emotions and experiences we have? How does a Middle Way help us here?

Finding the Middle Way in the Midst of Struggle

For example, how can I handle work stress and the inevitable rush of my caregiving responsibilities? Can I bring a present mindfulness to those activities, too, so that I can use my mental and physical resources wisely? Somewhere in the back of my mind, I know that these busy moments will come to an end (that’s impermanence) and that my work/life balance will be better if I find a way to reduce the need for rushing while managing my workload.

Let’s say that I’m in a particularly busy time at work and feeling a lot of stress because my to-do list is so long and vast. To find a Middle Way, I'll need to avoid overworking on the one hand or procrastinating on the other. I'll need to manage my workload by setting realistic goals, prioritizing some tasks, being mindful and present so I'm most efficient in my work, and then taking regular breaks so I don’t burn out.

My plan might look something like this:

I ready my workspace and then block off two hours of solid writing (without interruption of emails, co-workers, or handling smaller tasks).
At the end of that writing session, I take a break and perhaps talk to a colleague.
Then I may do another block but this time I devote it to answering and sending emails, and taking care of small details on a project that requires me to ask for assistance from some of my co-workers.
After that block, I take another break, perhaps a lunch break, where I go for a 30-minute walk and remind myself that mindfulness, breathing, and enjoying the sensory pleasures of nature are important to my well-being. That will set the stage for the second half of my day at work.

The Middle Way is offering me a sense of accomplishment and non-judgmental ease during what could be a stressful time if handled differently.

In all these examples, I’ve reduced the situation to its simplest forms, but I realize that our day-to-day is more complex. Unforeseen complications can arise, our mood may shift, our body might not feel well, or others may need us to lean on. Try anyway, try when you know you won’t be perfect. Because let’s face it, nothing is perfect.

A gif of a cartoon character and the words "No, you're not pefect. and that's exactly how it should be." — Perfectionism is an obstacle to balance and serenity.

Drop Perfectionism & Embrace Failure

I don’t have all this figured out. I don't strive to be an "expert" voice devoid of feeling and nuance, and I’ve known throughout my life that as many times as I have gotten up and tried something, I have failed. What I focus on is the fact that I keep getting up, and the times when I can find the Middle Way. Those times are increasing, and it feels so good. I want to spread those good feeling to you, but just as certainly as the Middle Way is about balance and moderation, your goals to achieve it should be, too. Self-judgment is the enemy here, not your failed attempts. Failed attempts are learning and positive and come from a growth mindset. Failed attempts can turn into success. They have that potential.

But also, when issues come up at work – added projects, problems with co-workers, disappointing outcomes – I remember that this time will pass (that concept of impermanence) and that I’ve done my work along a reasonable, balanced path. The rest may be out of my hands, and since I don’t control moment-to-moment existence, my effort will need to be enough.

Talk Nicely to Yourself (You Deserve It)

This self-talk about where you stand with your effort (in this case your work) is the vital piece. If you are badmouthing yourself for missing an impossible deadline, you aren’t following a Middle Way. You are indulging in extreme thinking and inner chatter. Also, if you are procrastinating to avoid things, your life will feel out of balance as you brush up against the uncomfortable consequences of neglecting your work. The Middle Way is the road to balance, and balance feels good. Balance feels restorative and restful and right.

Here’s a poem on the Middle Way, the blessings of impermanence, and how being mindful ties the two together. This poem is called The Middle Way.

The Middle Way

By Jill Hodge

There was a bee.
It buzzed around my ankles and then it whizzed away.
An anxious blip in an otherwise ordinary day.
By noon it was forgotten as strong winds blew and palm trees swayed.

My birthday came, and people sang and gave me presents,
but the next day was silent as one by one, we moved on.
Old cake sat in the fridge while ceremony slowly slipped away.

I took a warm plunge where the sea kelp flies and enjoyed it for a time.
But slime and salt aren’t my brine, so I got out and salt crystallized.
Grains of sand laid claim to limbs and hair and glistening thighs.

All sun-dried on the beach, a headache came to stay.
A pounding beat with fury, as temples did enflame.
Oh, how I wanted to throw away my forehead,
but just then the pain eased up, and like magic, went away.
No drastic measures on this particular day.

The good times have come and gone, impermanent is the word.
For everything comes in and then it fades.
Nothing stays, oh what a relief.
I couldn’t take the bad for another day,
but strangely all good tires me out just the same.

I much prefer the Middle Way, when life is as it comes.
Big swells throw me over.
They pull the sand to reveal the treasures that remain.
Which shell shall I claim?
Choose quickly before the vast sea change.

My shell, it’s iridescent, ridged, and pink.
In this light, but that too can change.
I take it all in, to see it as it is, for there’s a story nestled in each pink ridge, and changed forever, we begin.

The Middle Way can be a powerful ally to your creative self-care. When we think of personal growth and self-care, we may think in terms of long-term projects and all the things we have to do to get from point A to point B. But the Middle Way is one of ease and balance, not extremes. We don’t have to bite off more than we can chew. Everyone is so busy now, that even listening to this podcast can feel like a huge time commitment. But in these minutes that I have with you, I want to affirm that you are on the right path. You may be thinking about your own creative journey, feel inspired by my talking about it and want to add some inspirational moments to your life.

Small Doses of Creative Self-Care Matter

With the Middle Way you can begin to accept that the scant 5-15 minutes you may have to devote to a creative activity, to journaling, to self-care (whatever that looks to you) can be enough. That short time can be a path toward change (in small increments) but it’s also a peaceful way to spend your time. You carve out some time to look inward and contemplate your life, and doing that in small doses (without the extremes of full-on effort or malaise and apathy) is a fruitful way to move forward. So, the Middle Way helps us move away from all-or-nothing thinking.

The Middle Way also offers us some freedom in how we view our choices. We don’t have to see things as black or white but can look for the nuanced shades in between. Practically this can mean that we see options in our life and don’t feel trapped by our lack of control. We take a perspective that where we are in this moment will change (because everything is always in flux) and that whether good or bad, we will have chances to impact our world through choices and possibilities that open up as our situation changes.

Being mindful of that freedom and the opportunity for choices throughout life is empowering. Too many people, myself included, tend to focus on the negative aspects of change, and the lack of control we may have, but if our world is always changing, it means that we will have opportunities for good times, for growth and satisfaction as well as those challenging times. Why not put your mental effort toward embracing the choices and potentials that you see? Actively look for them and add flexibility to your thinking. Can we go with the flow a little bit instead of fighting it?

Our minds and bodies are always changing and evolving. We learn new things, make new connections, produce new works of art, and develop new internal truths. Our bodies change too. Cells die off, muscles change, and our hair color changes too!🩶

Stoic philosophers are so popular right now, and we see their quotes strewn all over the Internet. One of these struck me recently. It was a quote by Heraclitus:

No man ever steps in the same river twice, for it’s not the same river and he’s not the same man.

This sentiment about change (both of nature and of ourselves) feels right to me. It helps me lean into impermanence, to accept it as part of my life (and life in general). Can we accept these new versions of ourselves and our reality, knowing that we have had good times in the past and will likely have good times in the future? And can we see challenges as opportunities for growth and learning, remembering that those rivers change too (and we change our relationship with struggle over time)?

Journal Prompts for Finding the Middle Way

Some of this boils down to sitting with uncomfortable feelings long enough to see them change. To help us do that and make this mental shift to embrace the middle, we need to reflect on how our life is at this moment and how we can embrace the change that is happening.

It will happen whether we want it to or not, so how do we make room for change and start to view it as not all good or all bad but something in the middle? Here are some journal prompts to help you reflect on and write about your growing concept of how the Middle Way might be a path forward for you.

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What areas of my life might benefit from me taking a balanced, moderate approach?

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Do I tend to lean toward self-indulgence or self-denial in my life? Why is this and what do I think about this tendency?

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Are there any obstacles in my thinking to embracing a Middle Way in life? What are they and how does clinging to them help or hurt me?

It’s taken me a while to find this Middle Way; it’s taken practice, frustration and failure to learn how much I need it in my life. But the more I embrace a moderate path with ease, the more I feel in control (of my emotions and my actions) – and even though I know that I’m not in control, that things change and stay in flux, I can feel comforted by my sense of ease in handling challenges and being truly present for good times. As always, I hope your journey toward the Middle Way has you traveling along the bright side of the beat.🌞

Podcast Music: My thanks to all the musicians who make incredible music and have the courage to put it out into the world. All music for my podcast is sourced and licensed for use via Soundstripe.

Songs in this podcast episode: See You In Sao Paulo by Chelsea McGough; Slide by GEMM; Cool by EILOH; Pyaar Kee Seemaen by Cast of Characters

LTVF Season Two Music Playlist: Check out the songs that inspire me, and connect with artists from many genres who add to our collective, human soundtrack.

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