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This is a transcript from episode #45 of the Let the Verse Flow Podcast.
One of my favorite quotes by the Lebanese-American writer, poet and visual artist Khalil Gibran goes like this:
We choose our joys and sorrows long before we experience them.
A simple concept, just one sentence, expresses both a human truth and hints at a philosophy of seeing the vast array of choices we truly have before us. Let’s talk about how to make some choices as we work to stop overthinking, worrying, and ruminating.
I first heard Gibran’s quote, “We choose our joys and sorrows long before we experience them,” when I was in my 30s and it’s stuck with me since then. Thinking (and by extension overthinking) is powerful, and while it may sometimes feel like these thoughts just come over us, we can choose how we view the quality of our thoughts. When overthinking, the quality of thoughts is repetitive, usually negative and fear-based. It’s not productive thinking. You feel trapped by your thinking and find it difficult to stop.
The joys and sorrows that Gibran is talking about are determined by our thinking, and in that way, we can “experience” or live out our joys and sorrows without any facilitating experience at all. What this quote also means is that if we can choose these joys and sorrows before an action or experience takes place, their shape and quality largely live in our minds. That opens the door to seeing them in a different light.
Choice and Nonattachment to Thoughts
Perhaps instead of choosing either joy or sorrow, we recognize that we also have the power to choose nonattachment and defer the interpretation of our thoughts as things. By that I mean we realize that thoughts aren’t necessarily attached to experience, but can sometimes just be passing ideas that are not anchored by reality or any concrete experience that will happen in the future.
When I think about my overthinking in this light, I can see that I have choice, that I’m creating feelings (joys or sorrow) outside the context of experience, and that therefore these angst-filled thoughts may not hold much validity in how my life will actually play out. From that perspective, I can let them go and move on to thinking about something else. Gibran’s quote makes me think about the weak foundation for overthinking, and that opens the door to reducing its grip.
Overthinking Since Childhood (in One Form or Other)
I’d characterize myself as a veteran overthinker, a worrier, a ruminator, and I think some of that overthinking started when I was very young – it may be an outgrowth of my vivid imagination. Growing up as an only child, I was often quite lonely, and for much of my young childhood, I lived in a world of make-believe and fantasy. I had a group of imaginary friends and I would play out intricate scenes, some very dramatic, in my bedroom. These friends had names, accents, body types, and age ranges. They were very fleshed out. They would keep me company when I was lonely, and the fantasy world that I created was a comfort during some troubled times in my childhood. They were always there at the ready when I needed someone to talk to.
At the same time, I grew up watching Mister Rogers' Neighborhood and the world he created. The speedy delivery man, McFeely, the King, and Lady Fairchilde. They were both real and pretend to me. I knew they were characters, that they were make-believe, but they existed to me as real too …. Or at least I liked to think of them as real. When I was around 12, one of my friends and I would play out scenes using some of these imaginary characters. Our favorite scene was called “Bus Driver.”
Back then in NYC, we had green buses with large, shiny green plastic seats. They were amble, but not amble enough for our characters. Our favorite pair to act out was an old couple who struggled to enter the bus and find a seat. I can still hear their voices in my head.
Harold, Harold, wait for me.
I am Mabel, I am, but we’ve got to get along and into this bus so we won’t be late.
Aw vey, so much rushing.
The bus driver would say loudly, “Move along, move along, I’ve got a schedule to keep don’t you know. Ya comin' or not?”
Harold would make his way into the bus slowly but with precision, but Mabel, as fat as she was was slower and often pulled her heavy legs from one step to the next. I’m coming, driver, but it takes me a bit longer. The bus driver would sigh loudly.
They were old after all and needed to sit together in the front of the bus so they could get out easily when it was their stop. Someone would always oblige and Harold would sit down first. Then Mabel would come along next to him, there was always someone on the other side of Mabel’s seat, and as Mabel would bend her butt back into a deep squat-like movement, she’d squish her large butt into the small seat with lots of overspill into the other seats. Harold and the person on the other side of Mabel would wince as they were squashed by Mabel’s backside.
This story was the same every time; my friend and I would add little flourishes, perhaps it was raining outside and Mabel would shake her umbrella on everyone after she squished them, because frankly, “she wasn’t very aware.” My friend and I laughed and laughed as we played this scene over and over again. We’d add new characters sometimes and spend hours talking to each other through them.
It’s apparent that I love drama, human drama, and the reason I bring it up is that that love of fantasy and imaginative action coupled with my overthinking means that I’m really good at concocting stories in my overthinking, ruminating moments. I’m choosing joys and sorrows many times before they happen in my life.
Nowadays, I can find myself thinking out a work scenario to the nth degree in my morning shower, only to suddenly awaken as it were, and realize that none of what I imagined is likely to happen. And while this character trait may be helpful when I’m trying to be creative, say with my writing, it can mean that I’m creating more drama than I need to – and all in my head. I also worry about worrying, wondering if it’s creating too much stress on my body at times.
Overthinking can cause headaches, digestive pain, muscle tightness, and insomnia. It’s not just the activation of stress hormones but how our mind/body connection means that our bodies experience our thoughts, causing bodily reactions like an increased heart rate and an inability to concentrate.
Awareness and Practice are Key to Stop Overthinking
So, what do we do about overthinking? I know no one wants to hear this (even me), but taming overthinking is a process built on practice. There’s no switch that we can turn on and off that magically stops overthinking rumination or worry, but using some of the strategies I’m going to discuss can take the edge off overthinking, help you become more aware of negative thinking patterns, and let you release them quicker.
Let’s define these terms first; Overthinking is that unproductive dwelling on a problem or situation past the point where it’s useful, excessive worry can be focused on negative thoughts, especially about possible future events, while rumination is when you overthink about past events and focus on mistakes we made or negative causes or consequences of our decisions. They can all be interrelated, but the hallmark of overthinking is repetitive thoughts that are negative and uncomfortable.
If you are interested in the differences between these states of mind, and some strategies to tame them, I’ve done a few episodes on this topic – episode 36 on reducing overthinking with stream-of-consciousness journal writing (a specific technique that I find helpful), episode 23 on using meditation and journal writing to reduce overthinking and episode 24 – an affirmation meditation to reduce overthinking.
Body Wisdom: Get Out of Your Head and Into Your Body
One of the ways to tackle this issue is to retrain your mental responses by using specific tools and strategies. These strategies use different modalities to help you reduce overthinking. The first one involves getting out of your head by refocusing your attention on the body through mindfulness and meditation.
One of my favorite approaches to this is a body scan meditation where you lie or sit and focus the mind on each individual body part one by one – starting at the feet and working to the top of your head. After I’ve taken this mindful, calm inventory, I like to express my gratitude for the incredible gifts that my body gives me, everything from the breath itself to how my muscles allow me to walk, stay active, and do the things that I want to do.
Lean Into Creativity
The next modality is using artmaking or a creative process to distract and reorient the mind to something more engrossing and pleasurable than overthinking. This can be more automatic rhythmic creative activities like coloring or mandala-making, or more complex projects like painting or sculpture. Creative flow, that altered state of consciousness that happens when you are completely engrossed in a creative activity that’s well suited to your interests and talents, is very powerful in reducing overthinking. The mind is engaged elsewhere, and creative flow can offer a respite from worry and stop rumination dead in its tracks.
Connect to Nature to Recenter the Mind
The next modality is using the power of nature to recenter your mind. That could be through forest bathing activities like mindful hiking, walking meditation, or interacting with nature in activities like snorkeling, swimming, foraging for berries or mushrooms, nature photography, or camping out in nature. As I mentioned in episode 28, forest bathing is the Japanese term for this type of immersion, using your senses to connect with nature. Check out episode 28 for more on this nature connection.
Writing for the Win in Reducing Overthinking
The last modality is writing; you knew journal writing was going to pop up somewhere here and many different types of writing can help reduce overthinking including traditional journal writing, gratitude journaling, art journaling, and stream-of-consciousness or automatic writing. You can also write poetry or short stories.
My poetry writing is a perfect example of how I reduce overthinking; I channel my angst into another form of thought and through this creative process, I gain insight into other ways of viewing my situation. Not always in that moment, but over time it helps me replace overthinking with more enjoyable types of creative thoughts.
New!! Art-lovers Creative Practice Guide to Stop Overthinking, Worry, and Rumination
To help you put these strategies into practice, I’ve outlined all of these modalities (and the specific practices within them) in a new art-inspired guide on reducing overthinking. Interested in trying a body scan meditation, there's a link to one I like in the guide. Want to get inspired by some of Sylvia Plath's writing, it's in the guide too. I made it to accompany this episode. It’s a fun, art-inspired guide called the Art-lovers Creative Practice Guide to Stop Overthinking, Worry, and Rumination. This free resource walks you through eight tools within each of these four modalities to help reduce overthinking. To spark your creativity and change your perspective, I’ve also included quotes and journal prompts.
I hope that you can begin to rethink your relationship with overthinking by finding artful, enjoyable ways to reorient your mind. Even if you struggle to implement these strategies, I think this artful guide will inspire your creativity and help you see your struggle in a new context.
Journal Prompts to Reflect on Self-Belonging
These journal prompts are taken from my new guide – the Art-lovers Creative Practice Guide to Stop Overthinking, Worry, and Rumination. They use the modality of writing mentioned earlier to reorient your mind to help reduce overthinking. Reflect and write in response to these questions.
The most powerful way I know to reduce painful overthinking is to take some sort of action to redirect your thoughts; oftentimes, that action is a creative one – writing, meditation, an immersive sensory experience, or one of my favorites: listening to music. Oh, the power of music, let it lift you, let it inspire you, let it transport you from where you are right now to one of my favorite places – the bright side of the beat.🌞
Podcast Music: My thanks to all the musicians who make incredible music and have the courage to put it out into the world. All music and sound effects for my podcast are sourced and licensed for use via Soundstripe.
Songs in this podcast episode: Cobblestone Stroll by Ghost Beatz; Slide by GEMM; Pyaar Kee Seemaen by Cast of Characters
Related Episodes:
Reduce Overthinking with Stream-of-Consciousness Journal Writing (#36)
Overcoming Overthinking with Journaling and Meditation(#23)
Affirmation Meditation: Overcome Overthinking & Worry (#24)
The Nature Connection: Finding Peace and Perspective (#28)
Resources:
Art-lovers Creative Practice Guide to Stop Overthinking, Worry, and Rumination
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Jill Hodge
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